Emotional illiteracy, the real Challenge

Heartbreaking. Depressing. Enraging. Words sometimes cannot describe what you feel. A father who has slaved on streets to send his daughter to the university. A daughter who is about to fulfill her parent’s dream by getting a job in a top company. A mother who is fondly waiting for her husband to pick up her daughter after work and come home. In comes the big four-wheeler crashing down the street to stampede the motorcycle. This slip of the wheel resulted in crushing the dreams and aspirations of a family just on the verge of seeing the fruit of their labour of tireless work. A famous industrialist family. A modern rich girl with the big car. A stoned expression. A friend who hugs and is reassuring the culprit. Images that are all adding fuel to the fire. The crass insensitivity of the family responsible for this incident is a typical example of how highly educated, exposed, experienced people are so emotionally illiterate.

Education literacy being an absolute necessity has been in the lime light forever. It should be. It is discussed, it is debated, it is demanded. Emotional literacy does not even muster a thought process. We talk about the mass of poor people who are uneducated and illiterate, what about the massive emotional illiteracy of the people who are rich and educated? Lack of education does create huge problems of awareness, exploitation and manipulation by the illiterate public. But the reality of the matter is that it is the powerful and the moneyed who despite education are creating a society that is ready to erupt due to emotional lava inside them. The need to raise a voice for emotional literacy was never as high as now. Being human is all about being sensitive. Having the sense to understand and cope with your own and other people’s emotions. Being civil is all about emotional regulation. We are living in times where social degeneration is a big danger. Let us look at why emotional literacy is paramount to prevent a world regressing in socio/cultural decay:

Civil or uncivil- The 'Civilizing Process' refers to a historical transformation in Western modern society characterized by a decrease in violence levels, the development of self-restraint, and the internalization of societal norms and expectations, leading to a shift towards indirect and subtle expressions of behavior. The end of the World Wars 1 and 11 were supposed to expedite this movement. Trading blocks were formed to create economic interdependence and cooperation. Countries who were at war with each other like England, Germany and France became a European Union. Violence was supposed to fade away. It did not. If anything the race to rule the world expedited. The cold war of Russia and USA went on. China emerged and threatened the existing powers. Terrorism became the name of the new violence norm. The current massacre in Palestine by Israel is an absolute horror story of inhumanity and atrocity. Even as these developed nations increased their literacy rates and knowledge bases, their emotional literacy decreased. The egos of leaders like Biden, Modi, Marcon unleashed a reign of extremism and discrimination. In Pakistan the corrupt rules of the political parties has created such an imbalanced society that any pretense to any civility is impossible.

Lessons from the more civil societies- Is the whole world on a vicious reactive rampage? No. There are many countries that are still holding to on to their values of civility. Japan is a prime example. Emotional literacy comes before education literacy. For children, till grade four there are no exams in their schools. Japanese schools put manners before knowledge. Their goal for the first 3 years is to develop their kids’ character and establish good manners, not judge their knowledge. They learn how to be generous, empathetic, and compassionate. They are also taught to respect others and develop a gentle bond with nature and animals. Cleanliness is a responsibility taught from childhood. Class room cleaning is done by students. Students are required to have two pairs of shoes in the uniform, one is an outdoor pair and the other is an indoor pair. The mud and dirt from the outside do not make it inside the school doors. Research shows that personality foundations are set in the first 5 years of our lives that we carry forward for most of our lives.

The IQ Vs EQ debate- In the corporate world, where performance is paramount, there is a lot of research that success is much more dependent on a person’s EQ i.e emotional quotient rather than Intelligence quotient. People with a high IQ but low EQ may be University gold medalists but may not shine in practical life. Vice versa people who were ordinary in their academic life but had a high IQ do outshine the wizards in practical life. Emotional intelligence is the capacity to manage and regulate one’s own emotions as well as the capacity to handle the emotions of others. As a result, it can encourage lifelong friendships, partnerships, and professional relationships. More than 80% of what you do in your workplace, any job, for that matter, is how well you interact with people. The rest falls under skills, competencies, talents, and knowledge. EQ is a four dimensional quotient. It includes: 1. Self-awareness- the ability to understand your emotions. Most people lose control over their emotions and are not willing to understand what are the triggers of their anger, or reactivity or irritability. 2. Self-Management- The ability to manage their emotions. Once you understand your triggers, you can plan to deal with them in heated situations to control their burst outs. 3. Empathy- the ability to understand other people’s emotions. 4. Relationship management- The ability to influence other people’s emotions.

The ability to take the right decisions in life is directly related to whether you control your emotions or they control you. Life is all about relationship management. Your ability to get along with your family, friends, colleagues, vendors, boss, countrymen is directly proportional to your success in life. The key or barrier to any relationship is how positive the emotions are between the two entities or departments or individuals. Japanese bow is symbol of what their culture teaches. The bow to greet everybody is a symbol of respect, gratitude, apology and humility. In contrast we see the awful customs of bowing to power and money. In Pakistan the VIP culture is a terrible reality. The soul dead big car owner knows that she can crush 5 human beings and make the law enforcers bow to her. This uncontrollable arrogance is representative of the emotional bankruptcy of the nation.